Routine

Well I got a few things accomplished today. I ordered my new cell phone from Verizon and will receive it on Wensday. I also called a carpet repair place to get some work done on some other areas. Was quoted $50 so that is not bad and should insure that I don't get billed by my apartment complex for excessive wear. Hopefully they will be able to get out here to do the work by the end of the week, but we will see, I should know by the end of the day tomorrow.

I really wanted to get Stephanie's input on my cell phone choice as she has Verizon service, but she still has not returned any of my emails or taken my phone calls. But I am she might just be busy, or she might be trying to pack to move out before I get out there so she doesn't have to see me. I have no idea. It would really suck it that was the case, but she will do what she is going to do. She also might just be busy getting caught up with work after being out of town too, things usually get pretty crazy and backed up for her if she is even gone for 1 day.
I am sure it seems really stupid, but I really wanted to hear her voice, so much so that I even called her work line to get her answering machine. Pretty pathetic.

Things seem to get harder and harder as my move out day approaches. Today I am going to start packing, and find myself desperate for any distraction to avoid doing it. Even though I know it has to be done, it doesn't mean I have to like it.

Tonight I will once again begin what has become a nightly routine, take a couple of sleeping pills, have a drink with my new best friend Jack Daniels, and go to sleep and pray I won't wake up. But after a night full of painful dreams of a life that most likely will never exist again, I will once again wake up, tell god to fuck himself, and begin the cycle all over again. What a damn circle jerk.

I heard a song by Blaine Larson - How Do You Get That Lonely, I have heard this song a while ago and wondered the same questions at that time. But, I now find I can answer all of them with ease. Funny how life seems to answer all your questions, just never quite the way you would like to have them answered. Makes you wonder how the rest of those questions will get answered and how long you have to wait.