Kick Them While Their Down, AGAIN, and AGAIN...

I was really looking forward to seeing Stephanie and getting some things accomplished for work, but once again.........

It turns out that Stephanies so called plan to meet with me was just another lie, and she really had no plan to meet me at all from the looks of things, as she conveniently will be unable to see me, but maybe in a few weeks or so.... What the fuck ever. A bunch of ghetto white trash drama, and all this from the woman I love and was going to marry!! I guess when they say love is blind what they really mean is once your in love, you become blind, cause I never saw this kind of BS coming. I at least thought that if we were to ever part ways, we would do so openly, and respectfully. Guess that was just wishful thinking on my part, because the reality is far, far, very far from that nice, neat picture. I wouldn't have believed Stephanie to be they type to change for the worse, and become everything she claimed to hate about other people. I have noticed that this has changed me as well and not for the better. I guess it has rubbed off on me as here I sit venting my anger, justified or not, on my blog.

I finally think I have narrowed down what has bothered me the most about all this. The flat out betrayal and the months worth of lies, that is what hurts the most. You would think after 12 years there would be some level of common respect, but I guess that was one sided at best. I remember thinking how excited I was 2 months ago when she said she was going to fly out and see me. How we talked for hours about all the love making we were going to do. I couldn't wait to hold her in my arms, only to find out that it was all a lie. Only to run head first into the brick wall of the truth, but blindly trusted her so much so to never see it. It does make me wonder, how long has she been lying to me? At least 3 months from what from what I can tell when we first started talking about fixing things. It has to be at least that long. But I do wonder how far back the lies go. This wasn't a spur of the moment thing, this was well planned out and timed. Hell, I am surprised she even bothered to tell me, I am sure she thought about just up and moving out of state and leaving my shit behind with a phone call as to where I could find it.

So what does it take to find a honest, mature, adult person to care about? That is what I am wondering. I thought that I had but the events of the past month have proven that I was DEAD WRONG! Even 12 years with her and I would have never guessed her to pull something so low as this. To go from being treated as her lover and life long mate, to something worse than what you would scrape off your shoe is quite a transition to make. I hope it is worth it to her, I really do.

Well now that I know the score and that she could give a crap about me one way or the other, I have no idea if I am going to be able to get the things I need to get done that requires her in person attention or not. It will mean serious complications for me to get a driving job, but I will have to find away around it somehow.

An email from a viewer named Angie that I got today asked me "Why do I post all this stuff about my personal life in my blog? Great question Angie, why am I? So you all can learn from my mistakes. Maybe you will see a pitfall that I have fallen into and can learn from it to avoid it in your relationships. As I have recently learned, trust is a very dangerous thing to give anyone, even the one person you love, cause you never know when they will turn around and betray that trust, all for their own personal gain. And I know what your saying, "That would never happen to me and my girl/wife/etc!" Well guess what, that is the same thing I said and have been telling people who warned me of it for years. I just can't believe they were right. I own my buddy $50 now.

A little survival tip for the men, never allow yourself to rely on a woman. Only rely on yourself, you will live to regret it otherwise, mark my words. And only trust them as far as you are willing to have that trust broken. Sorry to say there is not much you can do about betrayal, you can't go through your whole life with an exit strategy.

The worst part of all this, even after the lies, the betrayal, I still love her with every fiber of my being. Now that is cruel irony!