Has it really been a month?!

Wow, can't belive it has been a month since my last post! I really need to get a laptop and end this madness. So much to say, over the last month I have had a passenger Heather on the truck with me. It was sorta nice to have someone to talk to, however it does help if you can stand the person ridding with you for more than 5 mins at a time. It was toleralble but I am also glad it is over. She got to see a few states that she has never been to before and a trip to california that I took to visit my dad gave her the chance to see San Francisco. Like I said, overall it wasn't too bad, but I don't think I would take her again, at least not for that long of a time.

Well I will write more the next time I get a chance, have to find out where my next load is going to take me.

The Long Road

Wow, it has been so long since I have been able to put a post together, and it is not for having nothing to say. There have been so many things to tell you all about, from massive hail storms and torrential rains, to the adventures of traveling Washington's secondary roads with only an ince to spare on either side. The past month has been eventful.

While there hasn't been any really big news trucking wise, there have been a few very pleasent developments on the personal front. Steph and I are now dating! Abit informally, but dating none the less. And while this is not exclusive, it is a step in the right direction. It doesn't mean that anything will come from it beyond it, but time will tell.

In other news, I am taking my friend Heather out on the road with me for a few weeks, and we will head out tomorrow afternoon. I am really excited to have someone along for the ride. The really cool pat is Steph has agreed to come out on the road as well after Heathers ride along is over. I am really looking forward to that more than anything.

My truck is holding up really well considering the 775,000 miles that is on the old girl, but she is starting to show her age and I know the company is going to be looking at trading her in soon. And while the prospect of a brand new truck is exciting, I know they won't offer me a double sleeper condo Volvo. So I will just have to see what happens. I have my fingers crossed, but I know what it is going to come to. Something else I have been looking at recently is a helicopter flight training school. While right now it is just not an option as it is 3 days a week for 2 years, but next year after I have my large bills payed off.....

I am still working on saving up the money I need to get a laptop that I want, so my posting will pay the price. But do not fear, as soon as I get internet access that will let me log in I will send you an update.

I am still alive!!!

Wow, it has been a while since I have had computer access. I have been making allot of runs down south and have not had digital cellphone signal. Right now I am at my friend Randy's house in Ohio. He threw a party for his 2 sons, one going into the Airforce and one comming out of the Navy. Things have been a little difficult for the last month and half. I had 4 weeks of low miles (less than 1600 per week) that really put a hurt on my finances. In about 2 weeks I will be going out to Washington to visit Stephanie. I miss her allot and am really excited to go spend some time with her. Heather, my friend in Wisconsin graduated for message therapy school last week. It is a big accomplishment for her. She will be going to Alaska the middle of this month to attend her sisters wedding.

I know I said I would be getting a laptop soon to keep my blog updated but it might take me a month or so to get things caught back up to be able to do it. Bills have tgo come first before new toys.

Cheesehead1 asked about Randy going to another company, and yes he did for about a month. He went to Smith Transportation. Thankifully he is back in the deBoer family again, after Smith couldn't keep him moving. Thanks for reminding me!

Home Again

I am currently taking 2 days off to get my truck in for service and some repairs. My A/C and my transmission have been acting up lately, but I will be back on the road on Saturday. Last month I was having a really bad month for miles only averaging 1800 per week. That put a rough dent in the 'ol bank account with bills to pay, but the past 2 weeks have made up for that and things seem to be back to normal.

Still Truckin

I am currently in Las Vegas, NV! While i enjoy the miles this run from Wisconsin brings my truck has really hated the mountains that I-70 brings. Have had to stop a few times this trip to let her cool down after pulling my 43,000lb load up a steep grade. Tomorrow i will make my 2 deliveries here in Vegas and then my final stop in LA, CA.

Long Time No Post

Hi everyone, hope your enjoying the 4th of July weekend and hopefully your not at work today! I am sorry I haven't been able to post more but with all the problems with and policy changes by the truck stop internet kiosks it makes it very difficult. But I will be getting a laptop soon and internet access with my cellular company soon.

Well let's see, where to begin to get you up to speed. Things at the deBoer have gotten .... Interesting, I guess would be the way to put it and not for the good. Over the past month I haven't been getting too good of miles and it is not because freight is slow. Miles are down because the company is putting most of the high mileage freight on the rail and giving drivers short haul runs. By short haul I mean runs that are 1,000 miles or less. Now I am not sure if I just had a shitty month, or if things are going to continue this way, but I am going to have a chat with my dispatcher about it before I head back out on the 6th. If my miles per week don't get back up to 2500 - 3000 I am going to change things up a bit by taking my time off in Cali and Washington every 2 weeks and take 2 days off. While I don't really want to do this, I never feel like I have really gotten away from the truck if I don't take at least 4 days off, but if I have to do it this way to get the miles I need...

As far as Stephanie and I go, things haven't changed much. We have had a few interesting conversations, but nothing that I think she was actually serious about. But we talk and keep in touch which is nice and I am planning on making a visit out to see her. She might even come out on the truck with me toward the end of the month, but I am not getting excited about it till it actually happens. But it would be nice to have some company on the road.

Tomorrow, I get the to help a friend of mine move to her new apartment. Not really what I would prefer to be doing but what the hell. I bought some fireworks for tomorrow night and were going to a friend of hers house to shoot them off. Hopfully we won't get arrested, LOL.

So enjoy the 4th!! Be Safe and have Fun!!

Still Alive

Havent had digital signal when i have had time to post. Currently on a run from Arkansaw to Wisconsin

Run....Harder?

Delivered my 2 stops in Florida and am now on a 400 mile deadhead to pickup a load in Maco, GA going to Wisconsin.

Falling Star?

Posting is getting very difficult as i can no longer send posts via text message due to a software change by motorola and the internet terminals at the truck stops dont allow cookies that blogger requires. This means i only have my cellphone internet to make posts, i see a laptop purchase in my very near future! I am currently on a 2 stop load to Florida from Wisconsin. Stephanie has decided she wants to go on the road with me for a few weeks, but hasnt said when and i am not reading nothing into this, even though i wish i could.

Waiting

One thing that seems to always happen with any plan, is somewhere along the way it gets screwed up and most of the time your not the one who screwed it up! I put my truck into the shop on Saturday night for repairs on Monday so I could return to work on Tuesday, However I now have 2 dispatchers that work shifts and my new dispatcher failed to put my truck into the repair system. When I called yesterday to make sure all repairs were made and that my truck was ready, I find out that it was never put into the system so no repairs were made. I will call this afternoon to check and see if my truck is repaired so I can goto work on Wensday.

This return to work will be a long run for me I hope, unless the company forces me to take time off. I am finding that I have less and less of a desire to come off the road than I have in the past. Maybe I am just trying to lose myself in my work, and forget that the rest of the world even exists. Maybe that will be easier, but will that work or just exasperate things even further? Not really sure what I will do if it doesn't work, seems like the more I try to let go and move on with things, the more thinking I do and the worse it gets. But, at least this way I won't be bothering anyone. I have been finding harder and harder to let Steph go in my mind like she asked me to, I suppose if I can't do that my only other option to give her what she wants is to just walk away and disappear. Not really something I want, but then what I want rarely seems to matter in the grander scheme of life in general.

Mind's Eye

I am taking 3 days off currently, not really by choice but because I needed to get some repairs made on my truck. Currently the company is rebuilding the drivers bunk house so there is no place to sleep or to stay at the yard. I hate taking time off when I am nearly broke, the time off for my moms funeral, and the delay in me getting my paperwork turned in has put a cramp on my finances till next week, even though I will be getting a fairly substantial paycheck by then.

I keep getting many emails wanting more info on Steph and I, and I am sorry I haven't been able to reply to them in a timely manner. With that said, I am really not sure what to say about Steph and I, other than I am at a stalemate point and have pretty much given up on the hope that she wants to work things out. I gave it my best shot to show her I was serious, and committed, but I not sure that it even matters to her anymore. I still love her and always will but I guess I will just have to accept that I am not someone she wants to be with. Can't really blame her either, I am long haul truck driver that spends 4-6 weeks on the road at a time. Pretty hard to re-build a relationship with someone who is gone all the time when she has someone she can see anytime she wants, regardless of what I think of the guy. And I think she knows the game he is playing, but even something bad with a few bright spots is better than someone that is never around. Again, can't blame someone for that.

So where does all that leave me? Hell if I know to be honest. I guess I will focus on part of my original plan of building my house. Only it will be for me and not for Steph and I. The sense of having a place to call home other than my truck will be nice, but it will take a while. I figure to get all my debts paid off and save up the rest of the money I need will take me 2 years. Not really how I wanted to do this or even thought about, but it is all I got now so I might as well make the best of my new solo life.

In other news, my old trainer and friend Randy, is back with deBoer. So Welcome Back Randy!

Down In Flames or Rise From Ashes?

As I was saying in my back dted post, things have gotten interesting and confusing. I know, I keep talking about things and havent taken the time to explaine what it is that I am talking about. Sorry. It is hard to find the time and place to be able to type all this.

I am coping with the loss of my mom pretty well, keeping busy helps allot. The things with Steph however get more difficult nd have left me very confounded. After the week we spent together after my moms death, we told eachother that the time was what it was and ment nothing more. And as much as I want to convince myself that that really was the case, I really don't think it was. There are times that I feel I am really getting through to her, that she is really listening to what I am saying, where she is being honest with herself and her feelings. It is these short rare times that I think part of her really wants to drop everything and say "Lets try again", but those moments are so very short before she is forced back into the lie she is living, I doubt that will happen.

Don't get me wrong, I am not bashing her by that in anyway. We all live a lie in one respect or another, either to ourselfs or toward others. But there is a difference, some do it because they have to, others do it because they are to scared of reality not to. As for myself, I think I fall right in the middle of the two.

Well I just dropped my load in Birmingham, Alabama and am off to grab a bite to eat and pick up a load going back to Wisconsin by Saturday. I am nearly out of hours and am completly exausted, but the road is now my life and the only thing I got, so back to 18 wheel lover and home, the white line!

Where is the posts?!

Yes i know i havent posted in a long time but my cellphone died and that took a few days to get replaced, problem now is that my new cell has a different software version and i cant send text to post messages and have to have internet access. Verizon is trying to fix this for so we will see.

Simple Things Are Hardest.

The past 2 weeks have been interesting and difficult, from spending time with Steph to the death of my mom. Many of these things have left me confused and unsure of their meaning and it's overall effect and bering on my life. If this alone was not enough i now have a minor worry over my job, as I was hit by another driver. (Update: talked to safety on 5/16 and it was determined at this time to be unpreventable with 50/50 fault)

Moments In Time

I get a lot of emails from readers, some supportive, others condemning (especially when it comes to Steph). While this blog is my own forum for me to tell about events in my life, it is also an outlet for how I feel at any point in time, right or wrong. Just because I feel a certain way about events, that doesn't mean that the way I feel is how the event may turn out to be, it is just that is how I am feeling at the exact point in time.

Yesterday, Steph came over. It was interesting, relieving, and confusing. I have so many emotions that are running at the surface with my moms death and still with Steph's leaving, that leave the events of the past 36 hrs suprising and difficult. I really didn't expect the level of compassion that she offered me, and while I have my doubts that she would have done so had it not been for my moms death, but regardless, I am thankful for her allowing me to release my pain that I have been holding in for so long. But, it has made me question certain things, and if I have done the right thing, among them asking her to return my engagement ring.

To me this is on par with committing suicide, and I am still not sure I really want her to really do it. Hope is a powerful and dangerous thing, not to mention a painful thing as well. I know we can be every happy together, and I am asking for the one reminder of that for her back. But, with the full knowledge of why she really left, no longer being a question, could I really trust her if she did come back home. Or would I always wonder if her loyalty would wander once again.

My dad is still having a hard time with the loss of my mom. Last night was the first night he was home all alone, knowing that mom wasn't going to be there, ever. I admit I didn't consider this last night when I didn't come back to my parents house. I too am having a difficult time as well, as when I enter the house I expect my mom to be sitting in her spot on the couch. While after last night I don't feel the same amount of pain that I did, I still miss my mom a lot.

Death, and Real Friends

For some, the answer to death is the attempted creation of life. Everything held to un-choreographed balance. I guess it is because through the passing of an individual, we are forced to acknowledge our own mortality and the intrinsic desire to carry on our lineage. While I have felt the need to have a family for sometime, the death of my mom has really pushed that to a fore-front.

I had asked, and paid for, Steph to come down to CA to be with me during this time of loss as she is/was the only person I had trusted to show my emotions in front of. I was relieved and looking forward to feeling free to release my pain from my moms death. However, I think it was a mistake, I am not sure she is someone I can trust or even consider a friend to that degree.

From her actions and words, she came down to CA (all expenses paid by me - she even decided that this was a good time to get her license re-instated after getting it suspended to the tune of $85, but failed to mention that fact and helped herself to the funds I put in our joint account for her gas to come down and return) not to help and comfort her friend, but as an all expenses paid vacation to go see her "party" friends, and is happy for see me when she wants to go out to eat. Other than that, it is party time with her friends.

Well at least I know where I stand,......Alone.

Thoughts.......

The day my mom died I called called the one person I have trusted for nearly 13 years, Steph. I am not sure if it was a good idea or not, especially when she informed me that she is now dating the very person she "did not" leave me for. She has such a way with timing, even though it really didn't come as much of a surprise. I knew all along that the "were just friends" was always bullshit. The problem is that I can clearly see how she is getting played by him. I should know, it was one of my old tricks back in the day.

I really hate being right all the time. I know, it sounds egotistical, and if it wasn't so damn true I would agree. Trust me, it is not something I am proud of or even take any comfort in. It is a total curse. I can look at nearly any situation and know the outcome, how it will play out, and how it will end with exacting precision, and I fucking hate it. I knew that I wouldn't make it home to my mom in time, despite all my efforts, I have known about Steph and Sean for over a year before she left, and I know how all of it will end... and there is not a damn thing I can do to stop it.

Not to compare myself to these great people in anyway, I am a complete nobody by comparison, but I have always found it intriguing how people like Albert Einstein were mocked, and ridiculed for being right. It wasn't till years later, and in some cases after his death, that people realized and could no long deny many of his brilliant "right" answers to many of the greatest scientific questions to date.

But why is it that people flat out refuse to even contemplate the possibility that a person could be right, even when the evidence is clearly presented. Are we as human beings so mentally fragile that we must live in our self created delusions, even when we know it is to our detriment?

It might have been Steph, that once told me "You can't save everyone", but how does one not even try, when the knowledge of what will come, cuts just like a knife because you protect them from the pain they will go through. Knowing that if you can just reach them, make them see what you see, somehow make them understand you can prevent it. It is very similar to my mom, I knew how she would die years ago, really didn't take a genius to see, but again there was nothing I could do to make her see it.

Why is it that I can see certain things with such pure clarity in others and that knowledge could save them, yet I am unable to save myself from a fate that I have already foreseen. Maybe the "gift" I have is not so much seeing and knowing what will happen, but more of what is going to happen, things that are unpreventable even with the knowledge of what will come. More like previewing a movie, not editing. I don't want to believe that that is the case, if for nothing else, what I have already seen of my own "future", or lack there of.

Inaddition to all these things in my personal life, I having one hell of a time dealing with my moms death. Seeing her at the funeral home today, cut through me like a sledgehammer. I haven't allowed myself to breakdown. I just can't bring myself to put that burden on my dad and sister. The only time they have ever seen even a slight crack in my armor is after Steph left me, and really the only reason they saw any of that was because it was, and still is, more than I can take. I feel so completely shattered inside, with only the raw weight of the pain holding the pieces in place and I know that even time cannot fix this state I am in. I think the song by Nickleback - Savin' Me sums me up pretty well. I know I am falling, slowly collapsing in on myself, imploding in slow motion, but what does one do when the person who has always saved others needs to be saved himself?

P.S. I have updated the Favorite Songs Section finaly, sorry it took so long.

Goodbye Mom

Time: It always amazes me how we always feel like we have more time, we put things off to the last minute then rush when were out of time. But sometimes things in life catch us off guard. They happen suddenly and without much warning, and before you know it, the moment is gone forever.

My mom died on Saturday April 28th, 2006 at the age of 61. I wasn't able to get a load and get home in time. Once again I was a day late and a dollar short. While I am sure my mom knew that I did everything reasonable to get home in time, I find I am deeply troubled by my inability to do so, more than I would like to admit.

My Dad and my Sister are taking her death much better than I am, but I suppose that is because they were with her from the very start, while I was breaking every rule in trucking over 1,500 miles away trying to get to her side. Because of this, I think they were able to make their peace and come to terms with the fact that she would die, where I really didn't.

I was schuleded to deliver my load tomorrow, however the company was able to find a driver to deliver it for me. I am very thankfully for this, as I haven't had more than 4 hrs of sleep a night for the last 4 days, and I am really not in the proper state of mind to be driving.

Normally I am the strong one in these type of matters, the rock that everyone else turns to for support. It has been this way for as long as I can remember, but now I find myself on the other side of the fence.

I will write more later.

Time

I am still trying to get home, my mom has taken a serious turn for worse, and the company cant find a load going to Cali.

Time Is Ticking

My run to VA was a long one, especially after sitting on I-81 for 5hours after a tanker truck rolled. The part that really pissed me off is the VA state police told us (about 300 trucks) to pull over on the side of the interstate and get some sleep for about 3 hrs, as it would take at least that long to clear the wreak. No problem, with one exception, and hour into my 3 hr nap, a VA State trooper comes beating on my door screaming about how I can't park here and orders me to move it. The did this to all 300+ trucks that did the same as I. Then to top it all off, they decided to route us arround the accident onto a VERY narrow 2 lane access road, then blocked off the on-ramp so we couldn't get back on the interstate, after sitting there for over an hour, they cleared the wreak and re-opened the interstate with us still stuck on the access road! Talk about pissed off.

However I finally made it to my customer grabbed about 4 hrs of sleep and made my delivery in Roanoke, then ran over to Lynchburg and delived my final. A quick run up north to Georgia Pacific I picked up a load going to Alabama for friday.

In other news, I talked to my mom today, god she is really going down hill fast. She was barely able to have a conversation as she constantly forgot what she was saying. I don't think she will make it longer than 6 months at this rate. I scheulded myself to take 4 days off over Mothers Day weekend to spend some time with her, might be the time time I get to.

Nothing But Time

I delivered my load an hour early in hopes I could get my reload and get done, as I am taking the weekend off as it is my friends daughtes 5th b-day. Great idea if my dispatcher had me a load pre-planned, stuff like this annoys me. I talked to Stephanie last night and spent about 2 hours helping her write her resume.

Run, Run, Run

Currently at my first of 2 stops in Mississippi, after this I have to get a load in AR going to IL.

Little R&R

I basicly had the whole weekend off as i cant deliver before monday, so i played video games.

Things Are Getting Twisted

Something that I have sorta avoided posting about for a while was about my mother. I wanted to wait till I had the full news before posting. My mother was diagnosed with Empheasema (spelling) and had a minor heart attack. She spent a week in the hospital and is home now but the out look is not too good. The doctors say she only has about 6 months to a year. It is going to be hard for me to spend much time with my mom being a long haul truck driver, but I will just have to do my best to spend what little time I have with her while I can.

As far as Stephanie and I...... were talking, and are being civil. At this point I really just have to time play it'self out and see where it goes from there.

Back To Work

I am well on my way back back to Wisconsin, my total casino winnings was $106! Not bad.

Mo Money

Delivered my load in Oregon yesterday and today. Won $60 at the casino, might try again tonight.

Playing Catch Up

Well the past few days have been full of events. As I stated in my last post I have gotten a different truck that I hope will be more reliable than my old '99 International. While my "new" truck has almost as many miles on it as my old truck, it seems to be in much better shape. I love it. I just wish I didn't have to fight as hard as I did to get a better, but overall no that great of a truck. But, better this than nothing. I actually had to play the safety issue card to get this truck. Not to downplay the seriousness off things, but I nearly lost my old truck when the wheel bearings blowout. Had it been the right wheel and not the left I would have gone into the ditch and rolled the truck at 70 mph, with a 45,000lb load. I guess that is why they list Professional Truck Drivers at #4 or #6 (cant remember offhand) in the list of most dangerous jobs (ie: greatest likelihood of being killed).

In other news, the 24th was my birthday, and I am now enjoying the ripe old age of 30. I went out bar hopping with some friends and had a pretty good time. I even found a restaurant that has some great food on the caliber of what I was used to getting in California. I miss spending my birthday with Stephanie, but she did remember and sent me a happy b-day text message.

My good friend and old trainer Randy, was in an accident the other day on his motorcycle. From what I hear he is ok, but pretty banged up. A few broken ribs and some serious road rash, is going to take him off the road for a while. I hope to be able to call him tonight to see how he is making out.

Heather, my friend I stay with sometimes when I take time off the road in Wisconsin had to goto the hospital yesterday as well. She somehow hurt her neck, and has had to take time off of school, as the muscle relaxers and pain pills make her sleepy. I have extended my time off by 2 days to help her out, but no matter what I need to be back on the road by Wednesday.

Well my time here on the library computer is almost up and I still have to check my email. Talk to you all later.

I Finaly Got A Different Truck!

For better or worse I was able to talk myself into a 2000 Volvo. Now I just have to go get my stuff out of my old truck that is still at the repair shop in Missouri tonight. Truck needs alot of cleaning and a drivers side arm rest but other than that, I think I will be in good shape. It is even a double sleeper!

From Bad To Worse

The one thing I didnt want to happen has of course happened. Instead of just sitting my breakdown out 2 extra days I now have to jump through hoops, and I am preaty pissed off about it. Now I have to wait on another driver to show up, ride with him to St. Louis, pick up an abandoned truck, pick up a load somewhere deliver it, at some point drop the truck at a terminal and then at sometime get back to get my truck. What a bunch of bullshit!

Repairs Day 2

Well it looks like I am going to be down till monday. My parts are being delivered by another deboer driver as the International Dealership doesnt have my parts at all anywhere in the united states! My company is pulling the parts off another truck just to fix mine! So I am going to lose a week of running.

Breakdown

I blew a front steer wheel berring, and am sitting on the side of the road waiting for a wreaker.

Bad Roads

Got my reload, but after spending 4 hours stuck on a closed interstate i couldnt pick it up. Will try tomorrow.

Lets Play In The Snow

I was able to crawl into the customer early this morning but mother nature is not being friendly making driving hazardous. I have gotten unloaded and am now waiting for my next load. Wherever I go next it will be slow going.

Burning Daylight

The past few days have been a bit of a blur. I delivered my load in Dallas, TX, although the trip there was ...... Interesting. The weather in Oklahoma was a bit rough, but provided one of the most spectacular lighting shows I have seen in years. After I delivered in Dallas, I picked up a load in Ft. Worth and took that to Baton Rouge, LA. I reloaded in LA and am now in route to MN by Monday morning.

Next Load

My next load is from Illinois to Dallas, TX by the 9th. It fits my hours but I cant load till 5pm.

Just A Matter Of Time

I wasnt able to get a new load yesterday as I didnt have enough hours left to really get anywhere. So I used the time to catch up on some paperwork and sleep.

Run, Run, Run

I completed my deliveries, and re-loaded in San Antonio, TX going to Chicago, IL where I am at n ow waiting to get unloaded. I already have a pre-load at our drop yard here in Chicago. That load is going to Plymouth, IN and has to be there tonight. That will easy. Yesterday was my sisters birthday so I called her.

By The Hair On My Chin.

Made it to my first stop with a whole 1minute and 30 seconds to spare, but fuck am I tired!

Keep On Trucking

Sorry for no posts lately, but when your busy, your busy. I mad my deliveries in Florida, and picked up another load in Georgia, took that load to Kentucky and swapped loads with another driver. Mine was going to Wisconsin and his was going to Texas. Why swap? More miles for me! After I delivered in Texas I picked up a load in Arkansaw and brought it up to Menominee, WI. I delivered that this morning, but I am out of hours till midnight.

But, there is no rest for the weary. At midnight I have to head out and pick up a "RED" load in Appleton, WI that has 2 stops in Texas. It is a "RED" load because my first stop is Thursday morning! That is about 1200+ miles in about 20 hours, with my final stop at about the 1500 mile mark but the final is in Laredo, TX Friday morning. This load will push my log book to the breaking point but the miles are too good to pass up.

Rolling Again

Got my load on Tuesday, Green Bay to Florida with 3 stops. First one is off, burning a little time for second.

Trying To Get Back To Work, Big news Update

One would think that after 4 days the shop could complete some basic repairs to my truck, A fuel leak in left tank (should take about 5 hours to fix), drivers side door latch (likes to lock me out of the truck), and a problem-matic transmission that on wednesday last week refused to go into 4th or 9th gear to the point I had to manually skip shift to limp back to the terminal. Ok, the last item is not so simple I agree, so you would think that the shop knowing that these repairs could be extensive would get the truck in as soon as possible. Not our shop, they didn't even touch it till early this morning. So I don't have my truck, and won't till at least tomorrow.

Some other news, both of my driver friends (Randy my trainer, and Charlie a trainer that I meet in school) have both quit after too much BS from Deboer. After talking with Charlie last night I have put in a application with Gordon Trucking as they sound like a good outfit with better pay and better equipment. Not sure if I would even be accepted with my 2 incidents or not but I can at least see what they say. That still doesn't mean that I would quit Deboer, even if I got pre-approved, but I can keep my options open.

I have gotten quite a few emails from you folks asking what is up with me and Stephanie. I wish I could say that no news is good news, but in this case it doesn't appear to be. Apparently, as I understand things, she has decided that she doesn't want to settle down with just one person. She wants the freedom to fuck anything that moves, if she so desires, answer to and be loyal to, no one but herself, and that does not conform with the whole marriage, house, family pardeim that I desire. Personally I think she might be going through a mid-life crisis, and hers has started mine about 10 years early. So really there is nothing I can do. I have said all that I can say, and it doesn't even matter to her, the last 12 years doesn't matter to her, and she has no plans for any kind of future even for herself. But like I said there is nothing more I can do. As usual, I will give her what she wants, and if that is life without me, well..... It sucks, you can lead a dying horse to water, but you can't make them drink.

To top all this off, she got herself fired from her job. This sort of puts me in a self-imposed quandary, as my first instinct is to re-figure my budget to pay off the very large pile of debt she has accrued with her foot-loose and fancy-free life style over the last 6 months, and then to find ways to support the household entirely on my income. Not an easy task, but manageable. However, I have to keep reminding myself (and Stephanie does also) that I have no responsibility to do any of this. It was her choice to leave, her choice to be reckless with her job, and her choice is live beyond her means. And while this my seem all nice, clear-cut and dried, it is very hard for me to do.

In other news, I finally broke down and bought a TV for my truck. Now that I have my PS2 from storage I will have some in-truck entertainment. This is actually more of a cost reduction step more than anything. This way I won't feel the desire to play overpriced video games at truck stops. The other cost reduction test, is instead of making up a bunch of sandwiches and packing them into my little cooler (it only hold about 12 sandwiches), I am going to try just packing ziplock bags of lunch meat and a loaf of bread and make them as I go. I hope to be able to cut my food expenses by 75% per week (about $100). That would be substantial.

Keep the Sunny Side!

Time Off

Time off, I have gotten my taxes done, but today I came down with severe abdominal cramps. I dont want to see a doc.

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentines Day to all my loyal readers.

Still Sitting

Well I am still waiting for my load to be ready and while normally a 2 day layover would have me bent out of shape, but I havent been feeling too good the past couple of days so the extra time to rest has been nice. On top of that I just won $25.50 in the casino on $2. Sweet!

Just Waiting

I made it to my delivery yesterday but my appointment number was wrong and the reciver wouldnt accept the load without the correct number. Dispatch gave me a new number for today but that one is not right either. This load will have to wait till monday to get fixed so I am dropping it at a drop yard and waiting on my next load to be ready. This new load will take me back to WI.

Still Truckin

Tonight I am spending the night at a rest area about 40 miles west of Des Moines, IA.

Getting Back To Work

Well my time off has already come and gone, and tomorrow I have to get back to it. I got my reload, Red Bluff, CA to Medford, WI. After that I am sure it will be straight to the terminal for my ass chewing and/or termination resulting from my accident. So I have that to worry about for the next 5 days.

I feel like I just got here and already it is time to go. I wish I could say that I got allot accomplished, but aside from laundy, a haircut, and very small amount of R&R, I don't feel like I have.

Here is something I found funny as hell

Go Forward Young Man,.......Fuck!

They say bad things always happen in 3's, well I hope so at this point. Early yesterday morning, I was backing out of a parking stall at a truckstop, I could see that I wasn't going to be able to backup far enough with the trucks that were packed alongside the fuel island. Just as I leaned forward to put my truck back in drive, my damn foot slipped off the clutch. Even with the brakes applied, my truck lurched backwards about a foot, which just so happens to have been about 4 inches more than I had room between the back of my trailer and the frontend of one of the parked trucks. This accident didn't do any damage to my trailer, but did a fair amount of cosmetic damage to the hood and bumper of the truck I hit.

So far I have had a total of 3 incidents. 1)I avoided a truck that would have hit me head on, and got stuck in mud. 2)Knocked down a mailbox trying to maneuver in dense fog. 3)A backing accident.

While everyone tells me these things happen, and that these are freak events, I am not very pleased with myself. Now I have to wonder if I will still have a job in a few weeks. I am not sure how the company handles an accident. With some companies, your first is your last, no matter how large or small. I will be talking with my dispatcher in few mins., so I hopefully can find out just how screwed I am.

Hello Cali I Am Back!

While I have had to fight mother nature nearly the whole way out here, I have arrived. As much as I love Cali, as truck driver it is maddening. There so little parking, 55 mph speed limit, and heavy traffic it wears you out quick. I have stopped in Lodi where I will catch a nap and head the remaining 3 hours to my first of 3 stops for tomorrow. After all my deliveries I will spend some time with my folks.

Windy!

Shut down just across the Nebraska state lind last night. Hope there is less wind today, yesterday was bad.

More BS!

Got a load going to CA where I will be taking 2 or 3 days off. Truck is still screwed up and company refuses to fix it.

Screwed

So much for getting my truck replaced, dispatchers boss had a bad day so he cant do his job, means no replacement truck

Damn Murphy!

With only 200 miles to go to make my delivery, this truck blows oil everywhere. I am getting it fixed and cleaned.

If Only Everyday Was As Good As Yesterday!

Yesterday was a great day! I was able to make both my deliveries on time and was able to have dinner with Stephanie. Wish I could do that every night. On that subject a reader emailed asking if anything has improved between Stephanie and I. To be honest I am not sure. I think the more we talk the better we understand each other, and I hope she sees how comitted I am. Will it change anything? I dont know, but I hope it does. Today I transfered trucks, and picked up a load in Vancouver, WA going to St. Paul, MN. After that I will head to the WI terminal where I get my truck and get a load going to CA where I will take 2 or 3 days off visiting my parents and sister.

What Is Important?

I am currntly in Gillette, WY where I have run out of hours till midnight. I am on my way to Washington to deliver with 2 stops. I am also delivering this truck to a regional driver and bringing his old truck back. I am getting my truck replaced with a '03 Freightliner. Maybe this truck will spend less time in the shop and more time making me money. However this deal has brought to light something that may make me leave deBoer after I get a year in. When I signed up I was told I would be able to get a double bunk sleeper so I could take a ridder out with me after 3 months. This was a flat out lie apparently as I was informed today that I would NEVER get a double sleeper unless I was a trainer. So I will have to think about this upsetting development and decide how important it is to me.

Awe Fuck!

Had a bad day in louisiana, got lost in the fogand hit a mailbox trying to turn arround.

The Wheels On My Truck Go Round And Round...

...Sometimes! I picked up a new in Fort Worth, TX going to Louisania. I made a quick stop at a TA truck stop to scale my 42,400 lb load and was 180 lbs over on my trailer tandums. Got that sorted and headed out. About 1 minute after getting back on I-20 east a driver for Dart yelled to me on the CB that my trailer was smoking and on fire! I quickly pulled over as did the Dart driver, we both grabbed our fire extingushers and put out the fire. The cause, a wheel bering on my right rear tandum failed and the brake shoes were dragging as the whole wheel was coming off the axle. A big thank you to that Dart driver for his assistance! Now I am sitting at our Cedar Hill terminal where I have to wait till morning to get repairs.

Repairs

Had to pull into a TA for a temporary repair, durring my pretrip inspection the whole oil dipstick asembley broke off!

Crap!

Spent the day with with my folks and sister which was nice. Today started bad, got my truck stuck and had to get towed out.

R & R If I Want It Or Not

I got to Lodi, CA about 4pm today and had to fight for a parking spot. To my dismay the earliest delivery appointment I could get was for the 5th at 8am. So with all this time on my hands I called my folks who only live 30 mins away. They came out to the truck stop, we had a nice dinner. They gave me an early birthday present too, an electric cooler that can also heat things as well upto 130 degrees! It is a little on the small side but with the limited amount of room in my truck it will work out great. Now I will be able to make some sandwitches to take on the road with me instead of spending so much money on the road for dinners. I hope I will be able to cut my food expenses by as much as 1/3rd (about $66 a week)!

This run was a little trying as I played hop-scotch with the mountain passes and the snowy weather, but I made decent time. I decided to go spend the night at my parents house tonight and will go back to my truck tomorrow afternoon. Even though I have only been out a little over a week, it is always nice to get away from the truck even if only for a night. My sister has the day off of work tomorrow as well so it will be nice to spend some time with her, as we rarely get a chance to.

Things with Stephanie and I really haven't changed much, unfortunately. Contact is pretty much nill with the exception of a quick text message here and there, but she told me she fried the battery on her phone. I don't no anymore, I think about her all the time, and I still miss her dearly. A simple text message from her makes me all goofy like a school kid with a bad crush. But as hard as I try, I seem unable to stop it. So as the saying goes, if you can't change it, roll with it and hope for the best.

A Day Too Soon

After playing duck and dodge with snow I made it to CA. But I cant deliver till Thursday.