Mind's Eye

I am taking 3 days off currently, not really by choice but because I needed to get some repairs made on my truck. Currently the company is rebuilding the drivers bunk house so there is no place to sleep or to stay at the yard. I hate taking time off when I am nearly broke, the time off for my moms funeral, and the delay in me getting my paperwork turned in has put a cramp on my finances till next week, even though I will be getting a fairly substantial paycheck by then.

I keep getting many emails wanting more info on Steph and I, and I am sorry I haven't been able to reply to them in a timely manner. With that said, I am really not sure what to say about Steph and I, other than I am at a stalemate point and have pretty much given up on the hope that she wants to work things out. I gave it my best shot to show her I was serious, and committed, but I not sure that it even matters to her anymore. I still love her and always will but I guess I will just have to accept that I am not someone she wants to be with. Can't really blame her either, I am long haul truck driver that spends 4-6 weeks on the road at a time. Pretty hard to re-build a relationship with someone who is gone all the time when she has someone she can see anytime she wants, regardless of what I think of the guy. And I think she knows the game he is playing, but even something bad with a few bright spots is better than someone that is never around. Again, can't blame someone for that.

So where does all that leave me? Hell if I know to be honest. I guess I will focus on part of my original plan of building my house. Only it will be for me and not for Steph and I. The sense of having a place to call home other than my truck will be nice, but it will take a while. I figure to get all my debts paid off and save up the rest of the money I need will take me 2 years. Not really how I wanted to do this or even thought about, but it is all I got now so I might as well make the best of my new solo life.

In other news, my old trainer and friend Randy, is back with deBoer. So Welcome Back Randy!