Love Is Just Never Enough

Sorry about the lack of posts lately but I have had a pretty hard few days. Stephanie and I have met a few times, and spent the night in a hotel on Sunday. It was a very enjoyable day and wonderful night, where we relived the way things used to be. For me it was filled with many mixed emotions. Sort of one last night for old times, and will be the last time we ever make love. It has been a very painful few days, that a part of me wishes she felt as well. I did my best to show her and make her understand how much I do love her, but I wonder if love is what she ever really felt or if she even knows what it is.

It is easy to leave someone that you have no true feelings for. I have broken off a few relationships that were fun while they lasted, but I never had any true feeling for those people, but I never lead on that I did either. You have to be very careful of using those 3 little words, "I love you", because people take those words to heart. I believed those words, and it is hard to learn that all I believed was not as it was presented. At least I now know why Stephanie resisted setting a wedding date. Guess, I should have paid closer attention to those seemingly simple reasons, and delays, and yet I still love her. Even after all this. We have one last thing to do to completely end our formal relationship and any future there ever could be of one. The returning of a precious promise a man gives a woman he loves, the engagement ring.

I wish she would have returned it when we spent the night together. I mean how many times can a person heart break before there is nothing left inside that can be broken? But it is the only way that the part of me that has hope can die along with everything else that has been slaughtered. I will never allow myself to go through this hell again. It just isn't worth the price, when Love Just Isn't Enough.

Above it all, I wish I could wake up from this awful dream called life, but then again.....everything dies.

Beyond the absolute destruction of my personal life, I have finally been able to make some head way on getting the police report from my old insurance company. I will have to wait till Thursday to get and fax it to my recruiters. I faxed all the paperwork that I had to get to my recruiters today, and will send the police report on Thursday. Then it is back to Wisconsin to get my hazmat endorsement put on my license, and choose a company, provided I get the pre-hire from them. I am still torn on how I want to run. Regional western, Midwest or nationwide. Other than my familiarity with the west coast and my family, and the fact that Stephanie has made it very clear she wants as little to do with me as possible and even staying friends is pushing things, I really have very little reason to stay out here. I think I will hold off on that decision till the time comes, but at least the ball is starting to roll once again.