What I thought was a really positive and good talk with Stephanie yesterday, today turned into a near fight in half the time. I don't know why she chooses to act this way, one day nice as can be, the next a total bitch. Yesterday I felt that I at least still had my friend, today I am not so sure of that. At times she acts like we are still best friends and the next she treats me like a murdering rapist who was just let out on parole. I had hoped we would be able to remain close friends and let the future be what it may keeping in mind the old saying "If you love something, set it free, if it comes back, it is meant to be". But it seems that I am the only one once again trying. Lately it feels like climbing a steep hill and she keeps moving the peak just out of reach. It is frustrating, which leads to anger, and I am tired of being brought to anger. It is not her I am angry at, it is the things she does and the way she does it that gets me upset.
For 2 weeks I have been patiently waiting for her to give me an hour of her time. But she has yet to do so for me, she has this time for everyone else, just not for me. I think I have earned an hour of her time. Am I wrong to think that? Am I wrong to think that after 12 years I should be worth 1 hour of her time? Is that asking too much? Apparently it is to her, which tells me just how I am regarded in her world. So it looks like I have not only been abandoned by my lover, but by a person who was my closest friend as well. I guess that should say volumes, when your not even worth a person as a friend, you become no one. Less than no one, a non-person. What the hell did I do to deserve this? Charles Manson had lots of friends and he was a serial murder, yet I have done nothing but love a woman and she doesn't even regard me or want me even as a friend. Now that is fucked up.
I guess Stephanie is taking a page from Shawn's email and burning the bridge just as fast as she can. I just wish she would have waited till I got off of it before hand. Ohh well, sucks to be me I guess.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment