Life And Death

The past 2 days have been a bit eventful for me. The other day my dads Cocker Spaniel "Lady", knocked my dads dinner plate on the floor and swallowed a large piece of meat. That piece of meat got stuck in her throat to the point where the dog couldn't breathe. I tried to remove the large piece of meat from her throat but only succeeded in losing a chunk of meat from my finger! So I was forced to wait till our dog lost conscience then tried again. I still couldn't pull the piece of meat out, my came to where me and dog were in the front yard, and was able to push the piece of meat down her throat, but by this time she was no longer breathing. Being an animal person, I know animal physiology to an extent. With this knowledge, I was able to give our dog CPR, and knew exactly where to push on her belly to force her lungs to compress. After doing this for what seemed like 5 mins (I am sure it was only 1 or so) she finally started breathing on her own again much to my father and I's relief. We took her to the vet emergency hospital and after getting an X-Ray and blood test to check the amount of C02 in her blood, she was given a clean bill of health. Hell, the darn dog is doing better than my finger is!

On Thursday I got a call from Crete Carriers, and they have offered me a pre-hire. That is good news, as things are getting very dicey on the financial front of things. I also got a call from DeBoer, and am waiting to hear back from them as well. No matter what I will make a decision by the end of the month.

On the personal front, things have become confusing once again and I don't really know how to address it. I asked Stephanie for the engagement ring back, and that is when things got confusing. She stated that she didn't want to return it, in case she changed her mind or we found our way back to each other. But this is contrary to everything else she has told me, (AKA, move on dude, there is no light at the end of this tunnel). So what do I do? Do I just kill off that part of me that so badly wants to hold on to hope that things will work out later, and demand the ring back? Or do I keep hope alive, go on about my life (well at least what is left of it) and hope time is all she really needs and that we will work things out? I want to believe in that possible future, I really do. But am I just deluding myself? Trying to hold on to a fantasy that will never come true because I want it too so badly and love her so much. And if I do hold on, and things never work out, what will become of me then after holding on for so long? Is this MY leap of faith? I just don't know what to think or what to do anymore.