I woke up after 4 hours of sleep, I guess I my mind wanted to see if it was really true as well as I did. And yup, sadly it is. I really hoped It was all just a very bad dream, but it is not. Part of me just wanted to cry myself to sleep and never wake up again so I wouldn't be real.
I am not as angry as I was before I slept, just kinda of hurt, numb, and depressed. I find myself wondering, What the hell do I do now? I haven't given up all hope that things may change, maybe that is just wishful thinking to ease the pain. I am going to goto church on my own for the first time in 13 years, hell I will try anything at this point. A good friend of mine was utterly shocked and speechless at the news, I know that feeling. You know, after 12 years, I can't even remember not being with my girl, we have been together for almost half my life. My friend suggested that I get some professional counseling no matter what the final end result is, and I think he is right. If nothing else maybe it will help me keep my sanity if nothing else. So I have made an appointment for Monday, thankfully the VA will cover the $200 2 hr session. Beyond that I don't have a clue where to go from here.
As I listen to Crossfade- Dead Skin, I think I now understand what the song is all about and what it is saying, and Puddle of Mud - Away From Me........ OK, listening to music might not be such a good thing right now.
While I really have no desire to eat it will give me something to do. Talk to you all later.
I tried to call my recruiters, but with it being the weekend I probably won't hear back till Monday, but I have to say that I feel pretty indifferent towards it now. I have lost the enthusiasm that I had just 48 hrs ago. My graduation from truck driving school seems like a mute point. I know that I should feel a great sense of personal accomplishment in it, but somehow I just don't seem to have that anymore.
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